As I begin to adjust to having my father around I am beginning to wonder where I fit. I am not the daddy's little girl I was when he left. I am finding new questions to be answered. I fond myself wondering how I start a relationship with the father who was never my dad.
Talking to my dad has been easy as long as I keep up my barriers. As long as we do not talk to long about the hard stuff I am OK. I wonder hew we both will face the issues when they finally surface. I am not really sure where we will go from here. I keep wondering if it is going to be easy for us to just drift apart.
I know that this is my issue. I have never believed anyone was here to stay. I would not let many people plant roots in my heart. I have such a strong fear of being rejected that I have not even let my husband into certain areas of my life. I know that my husband loves and accepts me no matter what but I can not seem to let go of that part of me.
I am not sure where my path is leading I am just so afraid of being hurt. My dad has only been in town for three days and I have already started to back off. He is going back to Washington in five days. I am trying to prepare myself for it to be a complete separation. If I distance myself now it will hurt less if I never hear from him again. I have almost convinced myself that if he leaves Sunday and that's it that I will be OK, almost.
So here I sit still just a ball of confusion and fear asking the same questions over and over. How do I find a place in a family I do not know? Who am I in my dads world?
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