Nervous Energy

I have been cleaning my kitchen for the last 4 hours. No kidding no ones kitchen is that dirty. I decided today instead of worrying myself I was gonna direct all my energy at cleaning top to bottom every inch of my house. So now I have my stove cleaned and put together and now have taken everything out of the fridge and am scrubbing it.

This is how I deal with stress and trust me rigfht now I am feeling the stress. Right now my dad is on the road somwhere between here and Washington on his way to see me. I am going on that crazy roller coaster ride again I am so excited to see him but what if I am not what he expected. What if when he says "I love you" it is the idea of the little girl he lost 25 years ago not the woman she grew into. I made choices that I paid for and I was a broken person.

It was not until recently that I decided to deal with my past and I started attending Celebrate Recovery, God decided to speak to me when I got to the forgiveness step. I am supposed to ask forgiveness of the people I have hurt and forgive those who have hurt me. Wouldn't you know at the same time I reconnect with my dad. I know that God has an amazing plan for me the whole thing seems like a story book. I am ready to face whatever happens head on.

As far as forgiveness goes it was easy for me to ask and give forgiveness to those I needed to the problem I have is forgiving myself. I blame myself for everything that happened I have been haunted by if only for way too long. I am going to post as much as I can but once my dad gets here I may slack a little but will keep you guys updated as much as I can